There may be other people other there more qualified than me to judge this but as someone who has been a Victorian basketball fanatic since 1985 I think I can safely say the Chris Goulding is a flopper.

I sat in the stands and cheered the North Melbourne Giants firstly (due to the fact I already supported the North Melbourne Kangaroos in the AFL) then when the Giants merged with the Magic in 1998, I barracked for the Victoria Titans, and even sadly the Victoria Giants briefly after that.

I was a regular at South Dragons games which I would attend with my Melbourne Tigers loving cousin and celebrated joyously when the Dragons won their title in 2009. Since the Dragons folded in 2009, I’ve supported the Melbourne Tigers/United which adds up to thirty years of following and supporting Melbourne basketball.

And with that in mind, I have never seen somebody toss him body around flippantly the way Chris Goulding does and I’m sorry… the guy is a flopper.

Chris Goulding… please stop flopping.

Watching the final two regular season games for United I shook my head as any contact with him whatsoever was met with a flailing of arms and a crumbling of the body, the kind I had not seen since driving past that wacky, waving, arm flailing inflatable tube man at the local used car dealership.

The only thing worse than the flailing of the arms whenever an opposition player comes with 30 centimetres is the facial expressions which correlated with said behaviour in an exercise of clear ref baiting.

The contortion of pain on the face when the incident happens is bad enough, but when Goulding does not get a call, the angry look of “how dare you ref” is akin to that of a spoiled child denied a second serving of dessert.

The smug grin of a child that just received dessert after throwing a tantrum is one which often appears alternatively when a referees whistle rewards his efforts for flopping.

I love basketball, particularity Melbourne NBL basketball, yet I cringe when watching Goulding’s theatrics.  It’s embarrassing.  What would be even worse is to back an opposing team.  Then it would be infuriating.  It would be hard to watch Goulding exhibit this behaviour when it wasn’t to the advantage of my team.

Accentuating contact is not a new practice and is a contentious subject in the NBA as well.  James Harden has been accused of “not playing the game right” when he contorts his body to gain an advantage from the umpires.  It has diminished his achievements in the eyes of some fans, calling the spirit of the game into question.  The same can be said about Goulding.

Whether you like it or not, Australians are seen as a stronger, harder group of people than most. A country of Aussie Rules loving, natural disaster fighting, living amongst killer fauna and flora type of folks that surely agree that Australians should not be acting in this manner.

So to finish this extended rant, I want to talk directly to Chris himself:

Mr. Goulding, you’re better than this.  You are an excellent player, who can take over a game with your lights out shooting.  You don’t need to make a fool of yourself.  Flopping doesn’t get you anywhere except for ridicule.  You’re shooting 1.7 free throws a game, so it’s obviously not working in your favour.  Get your head on straight and play the game the right way.

I await your response or change of behaviour…