The FOX Sports website today gave us the scoop that Nick Young – the baller otherwise known as Swaggy P – has made an official enquiry to join the Australian Boomers.
“Like, actual?” you might ask.
Yes, like actual.
We are as confused as you, SwaggySwaggy P, the 30 year old Laker who might just live in Michael Jacksons “never grow up” fantasy land, thinks his relationship with Australian rapper Iggy Azaela somehow qualifies him to represent the country.
According to Basketball Australia, it doesn’t.
“Our subsequent investigation with immigration discovered that you don’t just get married and become a citizen, you become a permanent resident and you need to be a permanent resident for three years before you can apply for citizenship.”
I doubt they had to investigate too hard to find that out.
So in short, Swaggy, if you are reading, you can’t just turn up somewhere for a holiday and expect to play for their national team!
We are flattered, though.
If Swaggy P can decode this, he is on his way to Australian citizenshipIf Swaggy’s life-long – but formulated last week – dream of playing for the Boomers is ever to eventuate, it will not be in the near future.
At 30, Swaggy is deep in his prime right now. If he were to (giggle) leave the NBA, move to Sunnyvale with Iggy Azaela and team up with Azaelas look-alike Shazza and Swaggy P’s intellectual equal, Dazza, Swaggy P would be in his mid 30’s by the time he qualifies – if he ever does.
And then, Swaggy P might be a bit more Saggy P.
Basketball Australia will look at their options, of course. If by some act of strange oddity Swaggy become available to them, they would be foolish to not take a look at him.
But in my opinion there are two Americans more worthy of the Boomers coveted naturalised spot: Josh Childress and James Ennis.
Childress re-signed with the Sydney Kings this year despite being courted with more lucrative offers. He is heavily involved in charity; holding clinics for disadvantaged children in the western Sydney community, and giving freely of his time, money, and even shoes to the young Australian fans. Is there anything more Australian than giving disadvantaged kids a “fair go”?
Childress has shown a loyalty, and love for the country that would validate a claim to play for us. He also isn’t a terrible ball-player, and is lethal with an elbow.
James Ennis has similarly ingratiated himself upon the Perth community. He comes back every year to – like Childress – hold clinics for kids. There is nothing bringing Ennis back except his love for our unique way of life and his ex-team-mates. Ennis has gone as far as saying he will finish his career as a Wildcat – now that’s love!
As an NBL All-star trophy floating in a Sydney river can attest, James Ennis was the rightful MVP of the 2013-14 season. He was a highlight reel unto himself, and within a single season thrust his name into the conversation of best imports ever.
There needs to be a hotline for defenders viciously abused by Big Game JamesHis drive was unquestionable. His game was undeniable.
His swagger would make Swaggy stagger.
But the days of naturalised Boomers may be over. Australia is producing a factory line of world-class players at every position these days, and it is unlikely we will have a deficit in the next 10 years that needs filling.
But thanks for the enquiry, Swaggy.
Jarrad Hurley's professional basketball aspirations led him to the dizzying heights of the Adelaide social league circuit. After an epiphany that his hoop dreams would go unrealised, he put the ball down and picked up a pen. Jarrad lives vicariously through the successes of Australian basketball, is a mad 36ers fanatic, and might just cry if the Boomers ever medal.
